Chapter 3, Looking for Answers

She started reading about religions.  She thought that maybe she could find the answer to what life really was by reading the religious books.  She did not get any answers while in CatholicSchool.  Even when she had the First Communion.  Even when she asked about “original sin.”  No one could answer her questions about God and Heaven.  She could not, would not, believe that Heaven was just another place to go to.  She wanted to know why there was a “place” at all!  How did she get here?  from where?, and what was the reason?  And, because she did not blindly accept authoritative dogma anymore, she was not content to just accept the stories of a God the Father in Heaven.   She looked for answers in books written by the existentialists, Sartre, Kafka.  In books written by futurists, like H. G. Wells, Assinov.  In books written by metaphysicians and yogis.  She was especially interested in J. Krishnamurti and Herman Hesse. A turning point came when she discovered the book, “Autobiography of a Yogi” by Paramahansa Yogananda.  Here at last was a pointer to the answers she sought. 

She earnestly prayed to meet a yogi such as Babaji, the immortal sadguru of Yogananda.  She wanted to be tested; she knew that she would not hesitate to jump from the cliff of ignorance, which from that perspective, all seems unknown.  She knew that was only an illusion.  If she could jump, all would be known.  More than anything she wanted to jump.  She knew that she could trust Babaji, her inner Self.   After that, all books that had to do with mysticism, yoga, and meditation were read with intense interest and scrutiny.  She read the Bible, studied the Torah with a Rabbi, and finally turned to the Eastern sages.  Hundreds of books.  From every religious tradition.